BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
