There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Randomize
