She's JV to your varsity
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
