guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
