Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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