My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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