Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
