I accidentally had phone sex last night
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
