I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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