she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
