You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
