I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
