She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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