I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Success! We fucked roommates!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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