Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
