just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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