he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
