First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Randomize
