I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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