Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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