PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
