Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
