Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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