Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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