Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
