Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
