idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
