We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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