we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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