Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
