If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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