i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We need to get me chipped asap
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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