I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I came so hard my ears popped.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
