If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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