I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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