i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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