you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
This couple is walking their pig around campus
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
