So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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