I CAN MOONWALK!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
