I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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