I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
