I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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