Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
