the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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