My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
