yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
