i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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