Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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