You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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