That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
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