once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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