somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
