You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
