U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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