My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I cockslap morals
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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