Where are you?
In a non slutty way
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
