Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just want nice things and good sex
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
