Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
