My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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