Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
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Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
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I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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