it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
