I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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