this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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