Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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