the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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