Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
