you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I want her autograph on my taint
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
