I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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