The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
