Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
