im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
